A Musical Theatre Fish out of Water

The incredible cast of Top Hat at The Alydwch Theatre

Twice this week I’ve felt out of place and left in awe of people in my profession; once at an audition and the other at a performance of Top Hat in the West End where the divine dancers left me feeling like a lump of lard, jealous and amazed by their effortless skill.  It is that icky feeling where you feel your eyes inadvertently start widening and your heart sinking as the bad voice in your head starts listing everything that’s wrong with you.

Wednesday saw me at a casting for a new TV programme where they were looking for physical theatre performers.  I can hear your guffaws through cyber space at the thought of me embracing my inner LeCoq (Google it for those of you who think I’m being lewd) but I gave it a go as unemployed Thesps can’t be picky.

The icky feeling first appeared in the waiting room as I scanned my fellow auditionees.  There were none of the usual suspects, whose familiar faces are strangely comforting despite everyone looking similar and up for the same role, no, these faces were all new to me.  Gone were the blonde heads of highlights, under-nourished forms and definitely not a sign of fake tan.  Usually at a dance audition my tinted moisturiser, mascara and lip balm leave me looking as if I’ve just rolled out of the nearest bush next to the false lashes, war paint and hair extensions; but at this casting I looked like Jordan (minus the DD’s of course!)  Bare-faces, long Pre-Raphaelite curls and a loose trouser was the trend; I was a musical theatre fish out of water.

I have previously only been privy to physical theatre at drama school where the first year is spent contorting your body into various states.  I spent a good 15 minutes of life as condensation dripping down a studio wall and my ex-classmates and I still joke about our ability to transform into neon light and dart around.  I was a koala, part of Noah’s ark (probably a bit of timber or the rudder) and some symbolic part of a Greek ritual that involved water and moaning.

DV8 Theatre Company

Despite my condensation capabilities I was thrust into the world of musical theatre where loose hamstrings are preferable to loose spines and it is all about the “Broadway Face.”  We work to counts, under direction and in control so could there be some inner wiggly, floppy actor still lurking behind the jazz hands?

Apparently the puppetry skills I acquired on Avenue Q were the reason I was called in for this casting.  I am not sure that running around with my dear puppets on my right arm whilst singing in twang and occasionally swishing my hair truly qualified me, but who I am to argue with a casting director?

Once inside the audition we did a fairly relaxed workshop incorporating lots of drama games that I make my poor teaching kids do.  Everybody was so imaginative and I felt positively dull and envious of their natural spontaneity.  I love to mess about with my nephew and become an elephant or nee-nah driver with ease but when asked to mime an object in a big circle of actors I was self-conscious and stumped!

The experience taught me that I need to stop being so rigid in my mind and seeing those incredible dancers in Top Hat inspires me to work harder.  Our skills in performing only look that effortless or spontaneous as a result of serious graft and dedication.  I think it is sometimes beneficial to find yourself out of comfort zone, what’s that phrase.........?

Of course doing some physical theatre back-flips or tap dancing like Fred Astaire in my kitchen will probably be so awful that it’ll be a good thing that no-one is watching but it can only be a positive step in any aspect of our lives to drop inhibitions and just go for it.

Oh, and after all that self doubt and moaning, I got a bloomin’ recall!  So I am off to don my baggy trousers and roll about my kitchen floor.....!

The new X Factor course - fast tracking to fame

“When will I, will I be famous?”sang Bros in the 80s, well the answer could now be in 17 weeks at the price of only £95.

Bishop Auckland College, County Durham are to offer a new course aimed at giving young people the confidence and skills to audition successfully for the ITV talent show X factor and other similar TV programmes.

I read this yesterday and shuddered with horror and my short comment on Twitter, along the lines of “God Help Us All,” caused much ‘re-tweeting’ from fellow industry folk and led me to be asked to comment on BBC Radio 5 Live.

So why should a new course stir up such controversy within the theatre industry? 

I have always had a fairly negative view of reality TV. Long gone are the light-hearted programmes such as Opportunity Knocks and the last 13 years have seen an explosion in reality TV shows and audience voting from their sofas for the next star.  Those who don’t win the record deal then turn up in the West End or on Number 1 UK Tours leaving legitimately trained performers to understudy the stamina-challenging 8 shows a week.  Appearing on television has become a valid and often preferred route to lead roles and record deals.  Why learn your craft at a drama school or graft for years when you can create a ready-made fan base and the ‘bums-on-seats’ appeal that producers long for?

To me, this new course exploits this quick route to fame by offering an even quicker route to success.  I have nothing against new courses or training for the Performing Arts, despite it being an over-saturated industry, but I am wary of the motivation and marketing behind this particular course at Bishop Auckland College.  It feeds upon society’s desire for 15 minutes of fame and the immediacy in which they want it.  I teach children who say to me, at a scarily young age, that when they grow up they want to be famous, when I ask “why?” they just say “because.” 

If the Performing Arts is the area a young person wishes to work in, then brilliant, but we should be training individuals to excel in their chosen field through dedication and detail.  If I were to plan a career change I wouldn’t dream of learning to be an accountant once a week for 4 months and expect to fully understand the skill and nuances involved to do the job well.  The problem with seeing people rise to success via the television is that it appears easy.  I am not so ignorant as to claim that the skills required to be a performer can be likened to that of a doctor or a scientist, but nonetheless, there is a skill-set that cannot be taught to just anyone and being a performer is not easy.

You can learn all the singing technique and confidence on offer but raw talent and star quality cannot be taught.  This seemed to be the ethos behind the X Factor; an indefinable star quality that makes someone watchable.  A 17 week course cannot teach somebody that.

I cannot disregard the positive effects such programmes have had on the theatre industry within UK; I recognise that they have opened up the theatre to a new type of audience and revenue has risen.  Many of these reality stars who succeed from this initial spring board do have immense talent and graft very hard to retain their positions, just look at Samantha Barks.  Every type of performer has a place within the entertainment industry from Adele who excels in her craft to Jedward who.......well, they do what they do because people voted for them. I do not judge the participants at all, they are wisely taking the option society offers them and moving with the times.

Head of Arts, Music and Performing Arts at Bishop Auckland, Mike Jinks, actually seems to have some good motivation behind the new course

"The course is also about giving people real, transferable skills. The biggest thing they will get out of it is confidence, whether this is for a future singing audition or a job interview." 
 

In a world of I-pads, computer games and poking on Facebook any social and communication skills we can teach young people is highly valid, but Mike Jinks adds,

People auditioning also need to know that the ones who succeed on X Factor don't just walk in there blind. It's not about just wandering in, singing a song and you're famous,"

No, it’s about courting the media and letting the production team say you used to work in a call centre despite you completing a preparation course such as this.  Elements of this course may benefit applicants but the message that it’s aimed at X Factor success is the problem.  Should people aspire to win X-Factor, a short cut to the fame, whilst others achieve it through more traditional methods?  Or is it “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” mentality?  This seems to be the way that enterainment industry is going so are you silly not to benefit from the only chance you may have to achieve your dreams?

The media around this course just makes the actress in me sad; sad that TV reality searches have such a place in society that these courses have become relevant and sad that aspiring performers don’t seem to want to succeed as a jobbing actor but be catapulted towards stardom.  Many of my contemporaries and I became actors because we loved and respected the craft of Sir John Gielgud, Bernadette Peters and Nat King Cole and whilst the success of One Direction and Olly Murs is undoubtedly admirable, it is not the dream I dreamed.

This post was originally written for www.thehuffingtonpost.co.uk

The Les Mis Movie - Dreaming the Dream

I don’t think we can ever complain again that musicals are just for the cultural elite; with Mamma Mia! Chicago, Nine and now Les Miserables going celluloid there can’t be many people left who haven’t heard of musical theatre.

The amount of press surrounding the opening of the Les Mis movie this week has been impressive; constant interviews, features, live screenings of the premiere and did you know the actors sang live???  The world has Les Mis fever,  (which if I were to be historically correct would be cholera, so hopefully we haven’t!)  As a former “Miserable” myself I am of course thrilled and excited to see the story close to my heart on the big screen but there is also a tiny part of me that squeaks “ Ah but it was ours and now everyone has a piece of it.”

Ask any performer and they will tell you that their love affair with the Boublil & Schonberg musical began at a young age.  In the press interviews for the movie we learnt that Eddie Redmayne sang along to the soundtrack in the car as a child and both Amanda Seyfried and Hugh Jackman have loved it for years. 

I, too, have a long and personal affection for Les Miserables.  My grandparents took me to see it when I was barely 10 years old and I must have been a further 4 times before appearing in it myself at 23.  I vividly remember the effects of the Revolve and swirls onstage in (SPOILER ALERT non movie see-ers) Javert’s suicide from the Dress Circle.  My next memory is seeing a boy band member from North & South (do you remember them?  See, Sir Cameron was “celeb” casting back in the 90s) giggling during the barricade scene.  Sitting a few rows from the front I was aghast that any could giggle when (SPOILER ALERT 2 ) Eponine had just died and remind me that this world wasn’t real.  If only I had remembered that on a 2 show day myself years later.

Now this is an embarrassing fact should any fellow Thesps that may read this, but at 16 years old I partook in one of those workshops.  Yes, I and 30 other amateurs paid silly money to spend 3 days at Pineapple Studios rehearsing sections to perform on stage at The Palace Theatre.  Oh my goodness I loved it, I was in heaven!  Meeting cast members and singing the songs I had only previously sang in my bedroom; it was a young aspiring Les Mizzers dream!

I was then lucky enough to “dream the dream nightly,” 2 year long contracts at The Queen’s Theatre in 2004 and then in 2009 and my 8 year old self was content.  It really is a dream show to do; countless characters to play each night, a costume plot that’s faster and more complicated than your on-stage plot and long wigs covered in fake grease!  It was a shock coming from the sunny Greek beach in Mamma Mia! where you were given highlights and fake tan to the disease-ridden streets of Paris where you were handed rags and a packet of baby wipes. 

Les Miserables should be sponsored by baby wipes; you must use a pack a week scrubbing off dirt/whore make up/more dirt/Paris dirt/more dirt.  My pores were stuffed with enough brown pan stick to make a beautician gasp through the magnifying mirror during a facial.

Audience members also think that the cast are a bunch of obese heifers as the musical begins, but that is because we are wearing our first 5 costumes one on top of the other.  If you think the camera adds 10 pounds Anne Hathaway, think of us poor on stage lot! 

Like any job you have the highs and lows; the high of performing for HRH The Queen at Windsor Castle and having your picture in Hello! Magazine, (no higher accolade according to my dear Nannie Julie) and the low of performing in ridiculous heat under layers of wool in your underground dressing room with no natural light or air.  There was a power cut one night in the backstage areas of the theatre but because front of house was fine the performance went ahead.  So the audience sat enjoying this classic as we bumped around in pitch black, bashing heads, crying and applying dirt by the light of a camping lamp.  Oh the glamour of the West End!

Les Mis is 27 years old and so has alumni to rival any other show; it’s like The Bill of the musical theatre world; everyone has been in it at some point in their careers!  At the risk of sounding ‘wanky’ it is a family that welcomes you back in, even after you have departed the barricades through a haze of last night tears clutching your stolen bounty of whore gloves and Tricolore badges.  I have been lucky enough to be invited back for 25^th Anniversary concert at The O2 in 2010 and more recently to audition (but not get) the film, although I did have 3 glorious recording sessions at Shepperton Studios singing for the soundtrack.  It never gets boring to sing that incredible music and to be able to do it with huge orchestras or wearing headphones in a studio watching clips of the film under the direction of the enigmatic Stephen Brooker, is both a guilty pleasure and an honour.

For me, Les Miserables is like a first love; that first relationship that teaches you all and nothing about love but remains in your heart throughout all future relationships.  A love that defines you and always comes back to haunt you.

 “Do you hear the people sing?  Lost in the valley of the night,” well, I always will hear that music in some shape or form because the 8 year old girl inside me who dreamt of being Eponine will never get over her first love!

A Dry New Year - alcohol concerns of mine

 Happy New Year!  My Twitter feed is full of diet ideas and people solemnly swearing to start lunging everyday but there is one recurring theme; donation pleas for #DryJanuary.

Dry January is a new initiative to raise money for Drink Aware and Alcohol Concern by encouraging people to give up booze for the 31 days of January 2013.  Now I am all for raising money for charity and think only good can come from shining a light on alcohol issues but these Twitter pleas fall flat with me.

 It shouldn’t be that noteworthy to abstain from alcohol for 31 days; has society become so defined by the ‘binge drink’ that it is a struggle to go without it for 8.3% of the year?  An impressive accomplishment for charity is running 26.2 miles, trekking a jungle or growing a wispy moustache mid-puberty for male cancers.  Should I be asking for sponsorship every time I give up chocolate or biting my nails?
This campaign reminded me of a sponsored 24 hour fast my sister and I did when at school in the Ethiopian Famine supporting 1980s.  Like all campaigns it had the noble aim of educating us and raising funds.  We awoke with the best intentions on the Saturday morning but then did 3 hours of dance classes and in a light-headed state of panic begged our Dad to take us to the nearest newsagents for a packet of Skips.  We learnt more about the plight of the Ethiopians at that time by watching Newsround not by getting hungry.  I think we still sent off our sponsorship money though.

Perhaps it is called “Dry” January because our bank balances are arid deserts post Christmas and only dowsing will find an elusive £5 to sponsor a mate to cleanse their liver.  Any oases of cash are sadly being put towards my tax but I will always actively support anyone who wishes to cut down on or cut out alcohol.

I know many people whose lives are infinitely better sans booze and they made that decision quietly and without asking us for cash.  I am not against the ethos of Dry January more the constant “Day 3, phewf this is hard I could murder a pint,” outbursts through social media.  I can only imagine how emotional and desperate these tweets may become by day 20 – “Day 11, it’s Friday, home alone whilst work colleagues are having the post work drink, I’m eating the wallpaper,” “Day 20 one smiley Grandma for sale, 75% discount with a bottle of Pinot.”

Judging by the photographs gracing the newspapers on New Year’s Day to abstain from booze for a month should be a no-brainer.  The mini-skirts laced with vomit and blood-stained faces were like remnants of the Apocalypse where only football hooligans on a free all-inclusive holiday in Falaraki survived.

I would compel anyone who wishes to raise awareness for Alcohol Concern to attend an Al-Anon meeting and see the effects of alcohol abuse on the families and loved ones of alcoholics.  An alcoholic isn’t just someone who drinks as soon as they wake up, alcoholism comes in many, surprising forms and one hour of your time would be much more effective than jump starting your weight-loss with a Media led campaign.

So yes, please do clean up for a month and take a moment to consider alcohol consumption but don’t ask me to pat you on the back for surviving 31 days without a drink because I sure as hell won’t pat you on the back when you down 31 glasses of wine on February 1^st.

 

THIS POST WAS ORIGINALLY FOR WWW.THEHUFFINGTONPOST.CO.UK

In case you want to do it - www.dryjanuary.org.uk

www.al-anonuk.org.uk