I often try to rationalise and find the light in a
situation, especially on here when trying to paint a positive way of dealing
with the industry. But sometimes I am
unable to muse and meander my way out a bad day. And I just cry.
Yesterday I received a gas and electricity bill the size of
Greece’s national debt, got a ‘No’ from a fringe play I had auditioned for (I
couldn’t afford to do it, especially after daring to use my central heating
during the endless winter, but you still want to be asked!) and a ‘No’ from
West End musical Matilda - you know those days when it all comes at once? I was mostly upset because I hadn’t even been
given the chance to sing for Matilda but that’s another reminder that casting
directors hold the strings to your life.
Foolish me to think I had some kind of control.
But then I wake up this morning to the surprising piece in
the New York Times by Angelina Jolie admitting she has had a double mastectomy
to reduce her chance of contracting breast cancer from 87% to only 5% - a woman
taking control of her own life. I have
read reaction articles citing it’s easy for a millionaire to be privy to such
preventative measures especially when you have Brad Pitt stroking your hair,
but surely the act of deciding to do something to fight is just a human
reaction. Yes money will help, but it
was a personal decision that she now hopes, by going public, will do some good. Knowing that preventative treatment is an
option may provoke others to be as pro-active and positive instead of feeling
defeated.
So not only did an article about family and cancer give me
that good old jolt of perspective, we actors love a bit of self-indulgence, but
it also got me thinking about how differently we can react to life’s
problems. Having a weep when sat on the
steps of my teaching job because I couldn’t jump around on stage is utterly
ridiculous despite it feeling relative to my world on that day. I am sure Angelina had a little cry and
moments of concern during her operations but she doesn’t choose to share those
personal moments of weakness, instead she opts to inspire and inform. No-one is an emotional robot; I truly believe
it is better to actively work towards a solution instead of wallowing in your
misery but I do think it’s healthy to have an emotional release now and
again. It can literally wash out the
negativity and leave you free to see clearly.
 |
| A 90s reference for the ultimate self-indulgence! |
Sometimes you need to be sad, have a good wail and let it
all out and other times you need to steel yourself and be pro-active. Battle your way through the crap. Perhaps life just has two sorts of people –
the 'battlers' and the 'bawlers'. But I’d
like to hope that we have the capacity to be both.
As an actor I am drawn towards being a ‘bawler’, my excuse
is that we need to have our emotions on the surface and accessible at all
times! But because I am lucky enough to be
surrounded by pro-active do-ers and reality-check folk, my boyfriend and family
soon point me towards the ‘battler’ way.
Everybody has bad days, even gorgeous film stars, but
sometimes within the gloom it’s worth remembering some perspective. I’m not saying this to make us feel guilty
about our genuine emotions – not in that “there are children dying in Africa”
when you push aside your last fish finger, every child of the 80s had that one –
but just to give the bawler in you a kick.
So I intend to wipe my eyes and make a plan, if Lara Croft
can do it so can I!
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