Supermarkets and catalogues have been chucking festive food in
our faces since August bank holiday but we’re just catching tentatively booking
turkeys and choosing which 2013 calendar to buy, (Cliff Richard for me every
time!) I love Christmas and I got my first anticipatory tinsel shivers when the
Christmas edition of Red Magazine arrived in the post. Every magazine is packed with festive outfits,
recipes and stocking fillers in their November edition which although seems
premature can actually fuel our yuletide anticipation.
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| Yes I'd look daft in any of these but they're still Xmas "must haves!" |
But as I read each page I felt slightly despondent; does
everyone really have so many parties to go to that we must buy 3 sequined tops? Who are the people with these busy social
seasons and time to make canapés and drink champagne? Do we all have a lazy two
weeks free to fill with family walks and tins of Quality Street? I dream of having that fantasy Christmas seen
in magazines, not the one you see depicted annually in Albert Square, but sadly,
my inner 5 year old rattling presents on Christmas Eve is quashed by the
working adult.
You see, I can only aspire to mince pie and port parties in
a sparkly outfit because I am an actress and I haven’t had a proper Christmas
since 2002. Christmas is the one time of
the year that actors are mostly in work; our agents’ bank accounts soar
as we don thigh-high boots, jerkins and villagers outfits across the country in
pantomime.
You can’t get more Christmassy than yelling “It’s behind
you,” I hear you cry so, yes, we do indulge in the Christmas spirit but in a
very different way to the Christmas in magazines. Actors are the only humans not to gain weight
during Christmas; the twice sometimes thrice daily performances guarantee that
mince pies will not cling to your hips but the downside is the bags under your
eyes get bigger and darker with each passing finale.
Our festive families become the 14 new faces at the first
day of rehearsals and the 3 groups of local dance school children who supply
the cards, homemade treats and cuddles in case we get homesick. Christmas drinking partners can’t be your old
chums in the local so instead it’s eggnog with Buttons, Abanazar and a
celebrity or two to sign your autograph book.
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| Replace this image with character shoes, berocca and 2litre Evian - that's more like it! |
We may have the nightly festive night cap or company meal
but most of the season is spent planning the drive home on Christmas Eve so
that we can spend 24 hours under our family’s Christmas tree before heading
back up the M1 at 6am on Boxing Day for the matinee. Note to all patrons; it may be an English
tradition to visit the pantomime on Boxing Day but more fool you. Snow White and her seven dwarfs will either
be shattered from an 8 hour round trip in the car, hungover, still drunk or
just plain miffed that their families are enjoying a Boxing Day buffet whilst we
are re-heating turkey in the green room microwave in-between shows. A merry matinee it isn’t; the best time to
see pantomime is Christmas Eve when we’re all full of Cadbury’s Yule Logs and anticipation
to jump into our cars parked opposite stage door!
Even if an actor is in a West End job there still isn’t the
chance of living up to the magazine Christmas; evenings are spent onstage
instead of at parties and the “Company Christmas Do” is usually in January when
the show schedule quietens down and room rental is cheaper. The only people you see in sequins post New
Year’s Eve are drag queens so you usually end up in an old frock like any other
old night out to save face.
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| Everyone loves a fairytale wedding! |
But maybe I’ll do it wearing a sparkly outfit and munching Waitrose
canapés!
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