Saturday 10 March 2012

I have no words

In the past three months my family has lost 2 young men in car accidents. Two bright young men with integrity, zest for life and a future. Cancer, hardship and death are things you witness or empathise with from a distance. You cry for families of soldiers on the news, marvel at stories on This Morning but when it happens to your kinfolk you are knocked for six. You think are safely not one of those sad statistics. Shock isn't the right word. Incomprehension is closer and I've found that you're unable to cry or emote as you can for others. When it happens to you it is too real for that.
Is this real life? Adult life kicking in because it seems to be all around me suddenly. Life is losing its innocent sheen and becoming unfair and hard.
My family have been dealt the cancer card and (I pray) trumped it last year. Such events bring out the best qualities in a family - strength, belief and love. You become a united force encircling your loved one and in your own individual ways combine to fight the threat. Grief seems harder but I think by forming a chain of support you can hold each other up. I know that sounds rather like I've swollowed a self help book, sorry, as I said I can't find the words and meaningless cliches seem to bridge the gaps.
The death of elderly people is sad but in time you are able to accept the circle of life and move on. But when my mother's 21 year old
Godson was killed in a collision in Arizona on Boxing Day or my 24 year old second cousin was killed this week on a local motorway leaving a baby of 6 months - well, words, acceptance and understanding elude me.
We can all be mindless on the road. I currently drive 100s of miles a week and I know I am not always alert. Would more vigilance prevent such tragedies? Why can't whoever is up there in the sky think " No, I have the power to make those injuries not fatal and not take this young life." Neither of these young men had reached 25 years of age, should we accept that it was just their time? I cannot.
I fear I sound naive but I am about situations like this.
There is nothing more important than family and every year of my life compounds this belief. All those cliches - " Time is precious" "live each day like your last" "you never know what is around the corner" - we all nod fervently and promise ourselves to spend more time with parents or siblings. But like with new years resolutions, normal life reclaims us and we fall back into routine. It cannot be helped and we cannot blame ourselves. But I urge you to make the most of your loved ones, no amount of career promotions or iPads can replace someone when they are snatched away. And you are left regretting not having that final talk or seeing them enough - it hurts. Trust me because we are hurting like hell right now.

1 comment:

  1. There is an answer, but we do not know it yet, yes when one has lived life to a ripe old age death is expected, however, so young, we cannot and are not meant to understand. You have a wonderful family Dan, be proud and take great care and cherish them, live each day like it is your last, we never know what is around the next corner. I often think of you, take care.xx